went to the vet..

I went to see the vet today with my father..

This is the second time me and Lucky went there..

This time the doctor did some checkings about Lucky's heart,liver and kidney..

The first was the kidney..doctor says that there's nothing wrong about Lucky's kidney..

He says :" mostly these kind of situation is because of the kidney..if it's the kidney's problem,you say bye to the kidney and also bye to the dog"

Was I supposed to be relieved by that sentence? I don't know but I sure am..

But when the doctor checked on Lucky's heart and liver...

He said that there's a problem..

He couldn't exactly determine what problem is it though..

But he guessed that it's a liver cancer..

He said that maybe it's because of the liver..because when the liver is weak,it weakens the heart too..

You can imagine what my reaction would be by now..

I touched Lucky..patted him on the head...and then,it started coming..waters are overflowing in my eyes..tears huh?

My father handed me some tissues and said :" people can see you crying"

So I wiped my tears off,took a deep breath and listened to what the doctor has to say...

The doctor asked if I wanted Lucky to stay at the medical centre or if I want to bring him home and treat him with the medicine myself..so I can spend more time with him while he's alive..(can you believe that a doctor said such a thing?)

Ofcourse I'll bring Lucky back..he'll be lonely if I don't..and trust me,those feelings aren't good..

And now we're home..

I used half an hour to make Lucky take in the medicine..

I've mentioned that Lucky wouldn't eat (in the last post) right?

Well the doctor gave us something that works like food...something that was mixed with water and is fed into Lucky's mouth..

I had a hard time doing that because I was the only one to do it..I have to hold him in the arm on the left hand (while I open his mouth with my fingers) and on the other hand give him the liguid kind thingy(that is the "food")..

After that I had to give him his medicine again...with him struggling here and there I can't get him to swallow the medicine..

Sigh...

I've talked to him..hugged him...and after a few more tries..he finally got to swallow the medicine..

While I watch him breathe like this...so heavily..like he won't be able to breathe anytime..tears fall down from my eyes again...

I've never thought that it would end so fast...and I most certainly doesn't want it to..

My heart hurts watching him suffer like this..

I wish that he would be ok..

I wish that he can be as active as ever...

Like the old him..

The old Lucky that I had..

I just doesn't want him to leave us..

Not now...