2010年9月16日(第二篇)

where the fucking hell are you??
you didn't reply my messages but instead i see you facebook-ing!
you didn't tell me that you're awake, you didn't say anytg!
what the???

did you know that what i need right now is someone beside me helping me to cross this bridge that i can't cross myself?
i thought it can be you, you know?
i thought that you would be delighted to help me pass this.
i told you how i felt yesterday, you should know that i'm not happy.
you saw me crying and you should know that what i need right now is you.
but instead you're leading me further than you.
why can't you be a little more considerate?
why won't you try to figure out what i need?
you're always doing things that you think it's right.
whenever i get mad,u get mad too.
you say things that hurts,you do things that hurts too.
what do you want me to do?
did you really think any girl can bear that much?
you don't understand me or how i felt.
but have you ever tried?
i'm sorry to say this.
i don't even know if you'll read this.
but i'm tired.
i'm angry.
i know i sound really really selfish right now.
what i want to say is, have you ever really think of how i felt insde?
it's not what any sorry can cover it up.
it's not any words that can heal the wound fully.
it's the ACTION.
so please,if you reall do love me,prove it to me by yourself from your heart,not by reading blogs or what.
i wished that you can do it according to your way and prove to me that you love me too.

2010年9月16日

昨晚我爸正式的結婚了
我是很替他開心的
可是我心裡就是有種說不出的感覺
應該是還沒放下那個吧
所以才會有種酸酸的感覺
酸得連眼淚都要流下了

當我敬酒給爸爸還有她的時候
我真的不懂該叫她什麼
我是不可能叫她“媽”的
因為我說不出也叫不出
所以最後還是叫了“姐姐”
可是就在我敬完酒以後
我姑姑就用著一種眼神和表情看著說
就好像是“有沒搞錯？現在還叫姐姐？”的意思
那時的我心就好像被敲了一下
難道他們結婚了，我就該叫的親密點嗎？

過後昨晚吃餐的時候
我坐在簽名桌那邊
看到了她媽媽的態度
有夠屁的！
我好討厭她！真的好討厭她！
她怎麼可以那樣對我爸？
我爸好歹也已經是她的女婿了啊！
她不爽也不該在那麼多人面前這樣對我爸！
昨天可是他的日子耶！
她，就像是目中無人，只有她自己！
我恨死她！
要別人尊敬你，請你也尊敬別人！

看到這樣的場面我真的很心痛
我怕他會受很多的苦

2010年9月7日

昨晚他又說很粗的話了
他一直趕我回家，叫我早點睡
我承認我捨不得，所以一直都沒下車
偷偷還以為他是因為累了，病了，要早點回家休息
可是我怎麼樣也沒想到他是因為要打機所以把我趕回家

“老婆，回家咯，回家早點睡”
“...”
“老婆，老婆回家吧，回到家可以早點休息。老公去打多一場就回的咯”
“你一直趕我回家就是為了打機？”
“是啊，打一場就回的咯”

我問你們吧，有哪個情侶，聽到這番話的心情還是好的？
有哪個情侶聽到對方這樣說會是開心的？
有哪個情侶聽到對方這樣說的時候心是不會痛的？

我就看著他，眼淚已經在眼眶打轉
應該是他看見了吧，就皺著眉頭說“做麼？”
我忘了我是用搖頭，還是回答“沒有”的方式來答他
可是他生氣了，說“不去啦不去啦！陪你陪到你夠為止”
那時的我整個人呆了，我不敢相信那句話是從他的口中出來的，而且還是為了“打機”
最後我還是選擇了回家，不再跟他吵

他每次都生氣/不爽我不讓他打機
但是也可不可以為我想一下？
他打機的時候是怎麼樣的？
是，他平時是會陪我，可是當他在打著機的時候呢？
我sms他說晚安他也不會回，就一封信息也這麼難回嗎？
我沒要求多啊，就一封而已嘛
可是他都是回到家才會回我
他有沒有想過每次他在打機的時候，我都在等他信息的心情？
每次就只會望著電話的方向看，看看熒幕有沒有亮起來
那種等待，是有多痛苦
他也不能怪我腦子裡的想法：在他心裡，打機比我還重要
因為他給到我的感覺就是這樣！
他不要我這麼想就該證明給我看那不是事實啊！
光用嘴巴，可以改變什麼？
我需要的是行動！
可是他每次打起機來，就彷佛他的世界已沒有我這樣
他也可以為了“打機”跟我說那樣的話，那要我怎麼不對他打機更反感呢？

我現在也對他很冷
可是我不懂該用什麼語氣跟他說話
我也不懂到底該用什麼心情來面對他？

2010年9月5日(第二篇)

嗯，不懂改寫什麼好？
呵呵
本來明天要上bengkel的
可是誰知道他們只有weekends有，weekdays卻沒有
哎
真是氣死人
他們不會為了“做工”的人們也想下嗎？
放它每天都有的上不就可以了嘛～ :s
那明天要做什麼好呢？
就覺得好閒哦
根本就沒事做
今晚可要好好考慮了 ><

老公生病了哦
昨天摸他額頭的時候好燙，臉色蒼白
看得都令人心疼
現在不懂怎麼樣了呢？
還在發燒嗎？
雖然他告訴我說已經好很多
可是還是好擔心哦
不懂燒到多少度，不懂他有沒有喝多多水，不懂有沒有按時吃藥
要是我現在能在他身邊那有多好啊
可以好好的照顧他
好好幫他養好病 ><
可是最衰就是不能
他現在應該又睡了吧？
老公要好好照顧自己哦～♥

2010年9月5日

thought of a long LOST friend suddenly
actually she's not lost,she just went to KL ><
but it's been awhile since we've contacted each other
i missed her
but it doesn't seem like she feels the same towards me
to tell the truth,i'm kinda dissapointed in her
i treated as atrue friend would
i helped her n stayed with her when she really needed the help
but after i helped her,the first thing she did was called the guy??
wat the fvk?
did she think of MY feelings when i had been scolded like that for her?
did she know that i went upstairs was just to cry so she won't see me & won't feel guilty?
but what she had given me was a whole lotta time sitting there listening to her on the phone with tat GUY!
we have been friends for like what? since kintergarden?
to me,she was the longest friend n bestest friend tat i have had!
tatz y i would help her wen she needed it.
i din wan anytg in return.
all i need is tat she'll be there wen i need her to
tat she'll do d same for me if i'm in the same situation
she really really made me dissapointed u know?
i thought that we would be much closer after tat
but now i cant even find her!
i cant call her because her phone's always off,
if i DID post something to her facebook wall, she wouldn't even care NOR reply.
she PROMISED me that she'll find me before she leave to KL but all she did was accompanied her BOY (which she had made her life more complicated because of him.)

i missed her
the OLD her
the friend tat i can count on
the friend tat will call me just to ask me how i am because we are in different schools and we seldom meet
the friend tat will listen wen i complained about the things in my life
the friend tatz not SELFISH like who she is now
the friend tat cared about me
the friend tat knows how i felt
the friend tat was HERE for me

but she's changed
please,please don't make me hate you
i don't wanna lose a friend tat i have known for years
i still miss u J,i really do.
n i still treat u as a bestfriend.
and i hope you would feel the same too. T.T

2010年9月2日

今天是老公换新工的第二天

原本自私的以为可以见到他换新工穿着不同的西装的

可是谁知三件里面应该只可以见到一件吧

也就是昨天

还以为他跟我的想法会是一样

谁知还真不一样呢

呵呵

果真有点失望

老公刚刚msg给我

里面有“婆婆”这两个字

偷偷还以为他要说老婆的

呵呵

这可真的证明了自己真的想太多了

是我对他要求太高了吗？

还是…他还不够细心呢？

为什么男人总会忘记自己说过什么，做过什么

而女人每次都会一直注意和记得这些？

每次都只会记得他所说过的话

他所承诺过的诺言

可是大多数都是失望

要是女人也可以像男人那样

不去记

不细心

那这世界应该会减少了很多争吵吧？

刚才当他告诉我说今晚约了同事的时候

我的心就如天堂掉下地狱般失望

可是我也知道

他已换了新工作

没必要阻止他

我也尽量的

当作没回事的跟他聊

我只希望他可以细心多一点点也好

就说去之前会来看看我

或是放工后会来看看我之类的

可是没有

他…不见我也没关系吗？

以前我们一天不见都像要生要死

而现在呢？

为什么好像只有我还抱着这份感觉？

而他的，早已消失了

这几天我都好想念好想念那枚戒指

打算出了薪水再买

我也有告诉他

他只说何必要浪费那钱之类的

我记得他之前说还欠我一份礼物

虽然我是不会亲口跟他要求的

可是也希望他会给我一个小小的惊喜

就算是卡片也好还是什么的

我也会很开心

因为证明了他有把我放在心上，

他会把我的事情都记得一清二楚

可是他好像忘了哦

本来还以为当我告诉他关于戒指的事情的时候

他会说要买给我

可是并没有

而且还好像一点也不想知道戒指是长什么样子的

其实那戒指是可以当情侣戒的

我一直抱着可以跟他一起带着同一个款式戒指的希望

可是希望越大，失望还真得越高啊

这么久以来

他才给过我一次惊喜

不懂他还记不记得9月10日是什么日子呢？

而再过几天又是什么日子呢？