Pain..

Have been feeling the painess in my stomach..
It's like where the gastric pain would be...
But it's not...
It feels like some kind of muscle pain...
Only that it's different...
How can I describe it?
I don't know...
I just know that I don't feel too well....
Head's been spinning...
Now stomach doesn't feel right...
Sigh....
It's not the first time already...
But the pain lasted longer this time...
What is it about?

Was this supposed to happen?

I miss you a lot but I know I can't get you back...
I dreamed of you always but I know it won't come true..
I love you till now but I know I won't get yours back in return...

I don't know if I can let you go...
People says that all I need is time...
But time passed by and I'm still thinking of you...
Every hour and every minute of my life I am....

I said I wanted to forget you...
Am I sure I am?
I don't know....
I don't want to suffer like this but I don't want to forget the memories we've had either...

Sigh....
I know you're working very very hard to achieve your dream and goal right now...
But all I can do is cheer for you in my heart...
Oh how I wished that I could be by your side to support you....
But I know it's impossible now....

I know you wouldn't visit my blog...
I wrote all my feelings about you down..here...
So you wouldn't know...

YaY~~!!!!

Yay~~~!!!!
Lucky's coming home tomorrow~~!!!
The doctor says that the problem was the liver...
But then mum forgot to ask if it's liver cancer...
So we have to ask about it tomorrow then...
Hope it's not...
><

Well....
I'm having study groups these few days with my friend Ling Ling,Sherry,Marissa,Men Men and Wesly...
We're gonna study for the SPM that's just a week away already...(not including Men Men because she's only form4)
So GOOS LUCK TO ALL SPM STUDENTS!!!
Haha...
Kinda nervous though...
Hope that everything's just fine..
^^
Goodnight everybody...

Normal day

Am having a normal day today..
Not going to school...
Went out with father..
Then going to lintas with friends..
Mmm..
Not much happened today..
Just like any other "nothing special" day...

But I did received a call from mum saying that Lucky's just like the old Lucky again..
Maybe he'll realyy be ok now..
^^
So today's the day the doctors send his blood test out..
Will get the results by tomorrow..
And they will call my mum to tell her what the result was..
Hmm...
Kinda nervous about the result though..

And then there's the cat...
We've named her "Coco"..
Haha..
Mum told me she bought a can of kitten milk powder for Coco..
But Coco doesn't want to eat..
Hope she's not sick too... :S

That's it for today..
Have a nice day guys..
^^

There's a first time in everything

Ok...
I went to see Lucky again today....
The nurse told us that he started to eat again!!!
Haha..
And after he ate he didn't vomit too..
That's the good part...
But after 1-2hours of breakfast this morning, he vomitted..
Sigh..
Now THAT'S the bad part...

Next story...
I bought a pair of shoes today and also a pair of jeans to wear when i go to Hong Kong this holiday...

Next story again..hehe...
I took a small lost kitten home from beverly hills...
Haha..
It's my first time bringing a lost animal home...
Ofcourse I didn't bring it bak to MY home...
I brought it to my Aunt's home...
Because I can't bring it back home (my father's allergic to the fur)...

Well..
Enough story for today...
Good night...
^^

Lucky's in the "hospital"

My mom heard one of her friend says that there's an animal clinic which maybe, just maybe can cure Lucky...
I really do hope they can...

Well...
The doctor says that they need to get some blood test to see what's wrong with him..
She also said that Lucky have to stay there for awhile because he's not eating..
So I can say that I'm relieved that he's there..
It's not that he's a burden to me..
It's just that he'll be well taken care of when he's there with the professionals...

Hmm...
I DO feel bad leaving him there...
But there's other dogs there to accompany him right?
Now I'm only afraid of the test results from the blood test...
Sigh...
Hope it's not something bad..
Maybe just some liver infection or something??
The doctor said that the age for a dog to die of aging is from 12-17years old..
But Lucky is only 5-6years old..
He'll be ok right?

Before he went to the clinic, I was always afraid...
Afraid that maybe once I didn't kept my eyes off of him, I won't get to see him anymore...
So I was always watching him...
Watching him from time to time..
Seeing him like that makes me hurt even more...

When he got to the clinic today...
He was recovered by his curiosity...(almost that is..haha...)
Because he was always curious about things..
And when he's at the clinic..
He turned and turned looking around...
Haha...just like his olden days...(but he's still sick though..)
But we can see that he's more active than the couple of days before..

Hope he'll really be cured..
Can't wait to see him recovered from the sickness and be the old Lucky again..^^

went to the vet..

I went to see the vet today with my father..

This is the second time me and Lucky went there..

This time the doctor did some checkings about Lucky's heart,liver and kidney..

The first was the kidney..doctor says that there's nothing wrong about Lucky's kidney..

He says :" mostly these kind of situation is because of the kidney..if it's the kidney's problem,you say bye to the kidney and also bye to the dog"

Was I supposed to be relieved by that sentence? I don't know but I sure am..

But when the doctor checked on Lucky's heart and liver...

He said that there's a problem..

He couldn't exactly determine what problem is it though..

But he guessed that it's a liver cancer..

He said that maybe it's because of the liver..because when the liver is weak,it weakens the heart too..

You can imagine what my reaction would be by now..

I touched Lucky..patted him on the head...and then,it started coming..waters are overflowing in my eyes..tears huh?

My father handed me some tissues and said :" people can see you crying"

So I wiped my tears off,took a deep breath and listened to what the doctor has to say...

The doctor asked if I wanted Lucky to stay at the medical centre or if I want to bring him home and treat him with the medicine myself..so I can spend more time with him while he's alive..(can you believe that a doctor said such a thing?)

Ofcourse I'll bring Lucky back..he'll be lonely if I don't..and trust me,those feelings aren't good..

And now we're home..

I used half an hour to make Lucky take in the medicine..

I've mentioned that Lucky wouldn't eat (in the last post) right?

Well the doctor gave us something that works like food...something that was mixed with water and is fed into Lucky's mouth..

I had a hard time doing that because I was the only one to do it..I have to hold him in the arm on the left hand (while I open his mouth with my fingers) and on the other hand give him the liguid kind thingy(that is the "food")..

After that I had to give him his medicine again...with him struggling here and there I can't get him to swallow the medicine..

Sigh...

I've talked to him..hugged him...and after a few more tries..he finally got to swallow the medicine..

While I watch him breathe like this...so heavily..like he won't be able to breathe anytime..tears fall down from my eyes again...

I've never thought that it would end so fast...and I most certainly doesn't want it to..

My heart hurts watching him suffer like this..

I wish that he would be ok..

I wish that he can be as active as ever...

Like the old him..

The old Lucky that I had..

I just doesn't want him to leave us..

Not now...

Lucky

Lucky!!!!!

please be alright!!

I don't want to lose you!!!!

Lucky is the dog that I have right now..

He's a really cute dog..

We've had him for years now..

Slowly we got used to having him around..

Running here and there..

Peeing here n there..

Even making a "chocolate fudge" here and there..

But he's sick these days..

Lucky seems so weak..

He won't wag his tail like he used to when he sees us...

He don't run around anymore like he used to when he's free...
I'm really worried about him..

I hope that he'll be alright..

He won't eat his medicine..

He won't eat ANYTHING!!

Sigh...

What am I gonna do?

I don't wanna lose him..

I love him...

Can anyone teach me what to do??

My hope has fallen down

I'v always dreamed that you will come back..
I'v prayed...
But it didn't exactly happened..
I still remembered PERFECTLY when you walked away..
I gave you my most precious thing then...
The image is still so damn clear in my mind..
I cried...
I asked if you could stay..
But you just smiled and answered me that you'll be back..
In the end,you don't..
I don't blame you and I certainly don't hate you..
It's just that...maybe I was dissapointed..
For having a hope so high up...and then fall down again..
Those feelings...are still in my heart eventhough it's been so long..
I can still cry thinking about it...
It's been what? 7years?
But I can still remember every detail...
When you didn't come to celebrate with us on your birthday..
When he beats you up and then helped you to put on medicine on your wounds..
When I went to your house with him..
I can remember it all so clearly..
Why?
Isn't forgetting the best way to do?
But why do I remember all this?
I missed you....
Imiss it when we were all together...
I really do..
But I dare not to tell you..
Because I'm afraid that you would blame yourself..
Sigh....
But I'v learned something..
That is..
" Don't get your hopes too high on anything...Cause it might fall down deeper then you thought it would...And by then, dissapointments will surround you.."